This is how it went…
I went to one of my fave blogs, Smile and Wave
She had a post with questions about what her readers do in their marriage that keeps it interesting. How do they show love and appreciation, what do they do that makes their marriage different, etc etc.
She had some really good feedback from readers.
And all of her asking was inspired by a blog called Today’s Letters (in reading I found out they did the same Warrior Dash as I did. I love our small world). The girl writes to the guy every day. Pretty simple. They also have a list of things they do that have really made a difference in their relationship.
I like the list a lot.
And it inspires me to be a better wife…better than I think I already am.
I think I’m a good wife.
Some things DC and I do that make us closer…that keep us going…that keep us growing together instead of apart. And I’ll stick with the simpler things; nothing too deep or difficult here:
-We don’t watch much TV at all. Like, maybe 2 hours a week? And 9 times out of 10 we watch it together- a show we both like. Lack of TV leaves time for eleventy billion other things we can do together.
-We don’t really do internet at home. We finally have it after a year of not having it, but we use it mostly to get recipes, check the weather, etc. I have found, though, that if one of us is in there, the other will follow quickly and sit and talk, so it’s not completely wasted time.
-We wrestle every. single. day. It’s good venting, it’s good laughing, it’s good domination by the wife.
-We eat at the table. And we cook together a lot of the time…and let me tell you we did NOT cook well together when we first got married. Mostly my fault. But we have gotten better at it, and we love it, and we love to enjoy what we’ve made together. When we eat at the table, we usually end up sitting there for at least an hour talking about our days, our dreams, what sucks in life right then.
-We also eat breakfast together. at the table. every morning.
-We do active things together- it’s no secret DC is a cyclist. When I married him I definitely did not think that was something I would need to pick up, but when I see the smile he has the whole time we’re riding together, it’s so worth it. He encourages me to try new things, to go faster, to be better at something I never had interest in before. We also run together (DC is the reason I ever met any of my running goals. If he hadn’t have picked up running a bit after I did, I never would have made it), we like to kayak at the lake house (as of last weekend), we like to take walks to the store. Being active together leaves room for encouragement. It also leaves a lot of room for emotional breakdowns that need to happen in relationships in order for them to grow. And we’ve both had them mid-workout.
-We definitely do girl time / guy time. DC goes on bike weekends with his friends all year. There is no limit. Ladies, let me tell you- unless he is being ridiculously stupid about this (going out and getting hammered, wanting to be gone every weekend, going out with the wrong crowd of guys), one of the worst things you can do is limit his time with his guy friends. It’s a smothering feeling to know you only have one or two weekends to hang out. DC lets me do whatever I want…I do happy hours, dinners, book club, runs with friends, insanely muddy races in Dallas. He is super supportive of my girlfriend relationships. It’s so important to get away and take a deep breath.
-When we argue, we stop and remember we’re on the same. team.
Just some little things we do that seem to be turning into fantastic habits. But we are constantly working on things. Always. Always. Always.
I love the list on Today’s Letters.
Marriage takes so much practice. SO much practice. Think about anything you want to be good at…you don’t just sit around and expect it to come naturally. Unless you’re my husband, but he’s a rare breed. Marriage takes practice for everyone including him I’m here to tell ya.
Kidding. Except not.
And if you’re not married, or no where close, you have a head start. Good night, I wish someone would have told me things about marriage that I have learned since I got married. Take advantage of your singleness. Start losing your selfishness. Learn what it means to put someone before you. Learn how to compromise and let go of little things. Learn how to respect people. Figure out what you picked up from your family that may not benefit a new relationship.
Well this post went in a totally different direction than I had planned.
My intention was to start writing a note to DC each week.
So
Dear Husband,
I adore you. I hope you know that any time you get a massage by an insane Asian woman and then an extremely large sweaty man because you kicked the Asian out, and you feel like you’re going to burst, I got your back. And then I’ll rub your back until my fingers go numb. Thanks for deciding to laugh about it. That was huge.
Wife.
great post steph! loved reading your list. much love, em
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