Laws of the Land that is our abode

If you haven't caught on, we are pretty serious people.

 and we've created some very strict rules in our matrimony.  

These include but are not limited to:

1.  When I am carrying a hammer, screwdriver, pliers, chainsaw through the house, if Devin sees me (key words, y'all), I have to explain what I am doing with said tool.  Unless he isn't home.  Muahaha.

2.  Devin does not do laundry.  This is due to my insecurity that he will shrink the one Anthropologie item that I own.  So, he no touch.

3.  When we got married, we had a queen spring bed.  Long story short, for my safety, we bought a massive tempur-pedic king size bed.  And now, Devin sumo wrestles boa constrictors sleeps on a queen size portion of said bed with fluffy bunny cloud pillows, and I get a twin size portion with cardboard pillows.  I am working on amending this rule, but I prefer this to the trampoline we had before.

4.  Devin only has to come with me to the ER once a year.  This brings me to rule number 5

5.  I avoid the bread knife

6.  Devin always drives.  Partially because I hate to drive, partially because I like to avoid him laughing at me when I am trying to park.  Partially because I enjoy the adrenaline rush that comes with riding with him.  Every. time.

7.  In the event that we are both starving without access to food in the very near future, we do not speak to each other.  It's better this way.

8.  Devin wakes me up every morning (except Saturdays when I all of the sudden can spring alive at 5am to go torture myself on a run).  He also tends to put me to bed.  This typically involves prying the book out of my hand that I am still holding up.

9.  If my lamp is on and I fall asleep, he has to turn it off.  I expect some argumentative comments on this one.


10. Saying something negative about myself in front of him automatically results in push ups.  This goes for him, too.  10 per offense. 

11.  If one of us ever even thinks the words "Maybe we should get a minivan", that is reason enough to leave.  This is a serious rule in our house.

12.  Once a rule is on the blog, it's a real live rule.