This is another account of my misfortune. Y'all usually love these.

I remember Spring Break of 2006 like it was yesterday.  I had just found a puppy sitting next to my car at college that I was absolutely keeping, but when I headed to Houston to fly out for vacation with my family, my dreams were shot and I had to give the puppy away.  This is typically where my mom comments anonymously.

Anyway, we left for an 8 day cruise in the Caribbean where I met 4 lovely ladies from the north east.  Lafayette College to be exact.  Any leopards out there??

But who knew that we would be friends for years, and that I would be on my way to Kristan's wedding this weekend in New Jersey. 

The only hitch in getting there, thankfully, was that our car service reservation was messed up.  We got a cab for cheaper and were good to go.

It. was. the. best wedding I have ever been too, besides my own.  THE BEST BAND ever.  I told Devin I want them at our 30 year anniversary party.  He picked up their card.  They were incredible.  The bride was stunning.  A girl jumped on my foot with spike heels and I didn't even care that much!  I should note that I do in fact care now...my foot feels like this guy crushed it in his fist.  And the band asked me to play with them.  And gave me a set of drumsticks.  Again, the best wedding ever.

Sunday morning our car service picked us up right on time and we headed to the airport with hours to spare, just to be safe.  We had an hour layover in Atlanta which was much better than the 14 minutes we had on our way up to the Garden state.

When we got to the gate, the attendant was begging for volunteers to give up their seats and take some free flight and food vouchers.  I was first at the counter, but she advised me not to do so because it was very unlikely that we would get on a later connection from Atlanta to Houston.  If. she. only. knew. For whatever reason, our seat assignments did not make it on our boarding pass for this flight, even though it did for every other flight over the weekend, so Devin and I ended up on the very back row (row 38 to be exact).  The rain in Newark delayed our flight 40 minutes leaving us with a small pillow of time between our flights, but we knew we could make it if the attendant helped us get off of the plane quickly.  She had no interest in doing so, but honestly it didn't matter because when we landed in Atlanta. there were mechanical issues and they didnt unlock the door for 15 minutes.  If you're keeping track, that leaves us about 90 seconds to get from the back of this mother of a plan to the gate 2 doors down.  You don't have to be brilliant to assume that didn't happen.

I was laughing.  Of course.  There wasn't an employee in sight.  The plane had obviously left early, even if it was just a few minutes.  Devin's first missed flight.  We won't talk about my record here.

So we went and stood in line at the, and I do not exaggerate here, "Did you miss your flight?" counter.  I have never in my life seen this in an airport.  The line was from here to kingdom come.  Huge red flag.  I got on the phone at one of the booths while Devin waited for a real live person where the lady told me she could only get me on the next day's flight.  Ask me if she cared that Devin and I had to be at work when the ever lovin plane took off!  No.  She did not.  And maybe I can empathize 1/20th after working as an advocate in a hospital for 4 years, but when I asked her if there were ANY flights in the entire NATION that would eventually get us to Houston that night, she giggled and said no.  Not one.  We walked away with food vouchers and a ticket for the 8pm flight...on stand by.  Never a good sign except 2 different employees told us it was pretty much a guarantee as there were plenty of seats on the plane.

We walked the entire concourse looking for decent food, and by decent I mean anything that is not dipped and fried or greased or lathered in butter.  We found the most amazing airport restaurant I have ever laid eyes on.  That would be Buckhead Books.  It is most definitely a cafe smack in the middle of a book shop.  I think I dreamed about this once when I was reading a lot of Harry Potter.

A delicious meal
this picture

and 3.5 hours later, we were ready to board the 8pm flight.

Jokes on us.  Remember that guarantee I told you about from the 2 employees?  Shmarantee.  Because the flight before this flight before this flight before this flight was delayed due to crappy airplanes, our seats were given to the people who needed them.

WHAT AM I?!  CHOPPED LIVER???

I was laughing.  Again.  We went back to the "Did you miss your flight?" counter where the line was even longer and we stood behind an elderly man and his child who reminded me of the children Jamie Oliver targets in Food Revolution.  He was throwing a fit on the ground screaming CACA CACA CACA and punching himself.  When we got to the front and the attendant asked if anyone spoke Spanish, I did not volunteer, but I did take the opportunity to mess with the kid in Spanish while his grandpa was busy.  I HAD HAD A LONG DAY TOO.

The same lady at the counter helped us, you know, the one who gave us the guarantee, and tried to convince us to take the 10:20pm stand by flight.  At this point in time, I thought it would be best to point out the irony that if we had taken the free flight vouchers, we would be in the exact same spot, but we would have free flights!  We laughed at the stand by and asked for the hotel vouchers.

Best Western deluxe.  Rude staff.  Full Shuttle.  Cab with 2 strangers.

We checked in for our 7:30am flight, and they were begging for volunteers to take $600 vouchers and wait for the 4:00 flight.  I would be a big fat liar if I told you we didn't think about it 5 times.

We made it back to the great state of Texas this morning and kissed the ground when we got here.

Delta.  Doesn't Ever Leave The Airport.  But if they do, they don't let you on the plane.