Unpack Your Suitcase

It’s been a while since we got serious (quick! x out! x out!) on here, and I have been trying to write this post for a week now.

Husband and I watch The Biggest Loser every week. We are freaks about it, as in that is all we talk about on Tuesdays: how excited we are to watch some people decide to change their lives for good. That sounds as cheesy as it does probably because we definitely do not use those words. But, I am leaving out the fat jokes.

Last week’s episode was an emotional one, which I usually hate. I usually look at Devin and yell THIS IS THE MOOSHIEST, MOST EMOTIONAL SHOW EVER! LET’S KEEP WATCHING! One of the trainers, Jillian, really dug into some of the contestants heads and got them to talk about the stuff that led them to food and ultimately being unhappy.

One girl lived on the streets with her heroine addicted mother who she could not make love her. She is the heaviest contestant in the show’s history starting at 470 somethin’ lbs.

One contestant relived the day she lost her husband, 5 year old daughter, and infant son in a car accident. I know…unfathomable.

A young, bubbly, super cute contestant freaked out when Jillian pried into her and discovered her fear of failure.

While I can’t relate to the first two, the third girl plucks a tiny, but powerful string in the most hidden place of my heart. When I was younger, I wasn’t afraid of anything and would try everything. I often beat my brothers at…well, everything and not once did I think I wouldn’t be able to.

While we watched last week’s episode, I tried to figure out what happened to me; what made me fear failure so much.

I really do. I will go out of my way not to try something because I have already decided that I can’t do it. I have already tried to see the end result in my head, and I don’t see it going well, so I don’t even need to try because I know how it will end. Apparently I think I have the gift of prophecy? Ridiculous.

Maybe it’s because I’ve never really done anything spectacular.

The unbelief I have in what God can do with me if I try is unreal.

I think there are pieces in all of our lives that can pivot the entire journey. Decisions we make or don’t make, things that happen to us good or bad, people that walk in and decide our lives are theirs to control, how we choose to be, just in general - can change everything; and you end up looking back and asking when you stopped being brave, or fill in the blank.

It’s amazing to me how much baggage those Biggest Loser contestants carry around with them (that is not a fat joke!). It’s amazing to me how much baggage we all carry around, like we need to cling to that to be comfortable with our excuses.

Try to find that point- that person, event, decision and let go of it completely fo-eva. You’ll be surprised at what you can do without the rickshaw full of past junk attached to your backside. You’ll be surprised at what you can do when you find people** who really believe you can do something, be something, already are something.

Husband does that for me, as in sometimes he has to grab my chubby cheeks and make me look him in the eye while he tells me I am good at something, and I am eternally thankful for him.

So, there’s some transparency for ya.

**Kudos to Kstan and OV06 for their help- see this post

*** I recommend this, this, and this if you need a little push